It isn’t Hard, to Feel the Undertow

I wanted someone to throw me a party.
I really thought someone would. But they left,
Am-scrayed, by night departed, and only
Now I’m getting back to good.
For the cost of rent, I swallow and change
…Morph a little bit more dependant
Not on the best friend of yore
But on neural circuitry.
The conversion takes place, from powder
To cellular and I rise with the sun,
Imperceptible shifts adding up to skin
I don’t need to hide, to safety without numbers,
To a seedling of pride.
The forests aren’t departed, the black holes aren’t far
But wherever I’m going, I’m newly glad to be going
Which puts me far above par.
And then the ice breaks
And I’m flooded again. The plan, so perfect
Is deemed worthless.
The whimpers and bellows of the voices
Show a world moving on, a palace
Made of earth and lies and drinks and falling
Standards under the guise of a life.
But what of not lying? What of truth?
I’m still out of sync. A restart changed nothing
But residence. My footfall is still ginger, awaiting the
Next fight, my heart like the ocean,
Evaporates into the night.

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