Modern Absolution

In olden days
the Church sold
sin offset credits
called Indulgences.
after life insurance
in the form of
coupon vouchers
for debaucheries
yet to be committed.
Rates were determined
by severity of sin.
Subject to terms
and conditions
of course.
such vouchers
are no longer sold.
they are exchanged
for penitent tasks.
Like, for example:
Climbing the Sacred Steps.
That’s good for
seven whole years
off your time
in Purgatory.
And as long as you’re
“truly penitent
and contrite”
you can get
an Indulgence
for following
the Pope’s Twitter feed.
Got to keep up
with the times
after all.


3 thoughts on “Modern Absolution

  1. I did not know such mechanisms for controlling one’s destiny still existed. A simple childhood advice of if you pray each night you will go to heaven – still extends to the extremities of a veritable stock market of let off licences in the form of tasks?
    Hell awaits! Scare the mob enough and it will stay quiet is a medieval but still effective idea?
    A twittering pope, you have made my morning.

    1. This is based on an article I read in the Guardian, and I was so taken aback I actually checked to see if it was an Onion-variety satiric piece. The article didn’t go into detail, but I’d like to know how one would go about collecting one’s Get Out of Hell Free card for following the Pope’s tweets. Contact the Church’s PR department, perhaps?

      I suspect that the issuing of Indulgences never actually went away; they just became less popular. Now they’ve taken on a new form designed to appeal to a generation of socially networked youth.

      Thank you for stopping by. Your appreciation is appreciated. 🙂

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