Life – as it is

I yelled and kicked and fought with all my might.Yet morning screamed through the heavy drapes as I had no say about the progression of time.

Except for the dawn that claws at the eastern horizon, today feels no different than yesterday. It’s a sad state, really. I’ve been told that a world of promise sits on my doorstep yet when I look, the doorstep is scattered with leaves. What is life without false promises? I suppose that might be called contentment.

I would wager that you expected a different answer. I believe that happiness can be (and usually is) both fabricated and overblown. Contentment is my goal. I don’t think that is beyond hope.

Hello, Beth. How’s life? Well, this year really sucks, thank you. Two of my sisters died this year. As an odd twist of fate, I am now the oldest female in my family at age 38. Is it right that I wake each morning and thank the stars that I breathed through another night? The mega-Christians would say Hallelujah. I am only at the wtf stage.

My pets are doing well. My parrot, Sunny, is going through a peek-a-boo phase. Even in the middle of the night, when I get up to pee as most humans do, he huddles in his cage and mutters peek-a-boo. Dear Rosco, my dog, is slowing down. He sleeps most of the day and snuggles close whenever he can

Tell me about your autumn. I kind of missed mine since I couldn’t go back to Ohio a third time. The first two were for my sisters’ funeral. I think it would have been fun to attend the festival and laugh. My accountant vetoed the idea.

There isn’t anything poetic here. I’m just trying to write and reach out. 

What scares me the most is that a dear friend once wrote about the nightmarish blank page. I think I’m living it.

Even if you don’t make a habit of praying, I ask you to take a moment and offer strength to my father. He has buried two daughters within 3 months of each other. He is precious to me.

Love you, Daddy


2 thoughts on “Life – as it is

  1. This has been a really difficult, painful year. Everyone keeps saying that, but it seems that so many of my close friends lost loved ones, or had relationships end, or had health problems this year. And I’m no exception. As we move toward the end of the year, I waver between hope and despair, trying not to fall into a pit of cynicism. Knowing that none of us truly knows what future holds, so we have no reason to despair. All we can do is hope things will turn out all right. And we can keep moving forward. We can keep breathing. Just breathing every day. Even though breathing in this year’s air has been heard to bear, it’s finally running low.

    Other than that I’ve really thrown myself into the Christmas season this year. I’ve put up extra decorations and made Christmas stockings, and filled the house with candles and light. Tidings of comfort and joy and good cheer are needed more than ever.

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